Friday, April 30, 2010

Take Pride in the Small Things

I'd like to take a moment and brag about the amount of bullshit that just gracefully flowed from my mind down through my fingertips into a Word document containing my end-of-semester research paper. The paper is on "The Rose Elf," a fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen. "God, that's easy, how difficult is it to write about a little kid's bedtime story?" Well, there are two things wrong with your condescending inquisition.

1. This is by no means a 'little kid's bedtime story'. The general plot? Girl likes boy, boy likes girl, girl's brother doesn't like boy, brother stabs boy to death in the woods and chops off his head then buries him under a tree, elf sees this and tells girl, girl digs up body but is too weak to carry the whole thing so she just takes the head home, girl plants head in flower pot, plant grows from head, girl dies of sorrow, brother takes nice looking plant, elf and plant join forces to kill brother, the end.

2. No, it shouldn't be that hard to write about this, you're right. The catch is that you're told to write a ten page researched paper with multiple sources on a three page fairy tale. Yeah, it's a bit of a stretch, hence the large amount of bullshitting involved.

But I'm not here to whine about school, as I'm sure that blog post will come soon enough. (Most likely in the next day or so, so get excited!) I'm here to rant and rave about the 1.5 double-spaced-times new roman-twelve-point-font-one inch-margin pages that I just churned out in no more than 20 minutes; all of which is complete (excuse my language) hogwash and contains no intelligent or awe-inspiring revelations. Then why am I so proud of myself? Well, you see, these 1.5 pages of complete bull contain no interesting information according to your everyday, sane, average Joe. One must remember one's audience. I am writing this for a Scandinavian Literature guru, one who, every time we meet in discussion, is taken aback that we don't make the connections he does between the wording of a sentence and the political and religious goings on of the time. (Personally, Andersen was writing fairy tales. Yes, they had lessons, all fairy tales do, but come on, you're making this WAY more difficult than it needs to be.)

20 minutes later

And I've just taken a slight break from the computer and no longer have any real desire to continue this post. And I'm hungry. But the point is, I'm darn good at making things up. Go me. Rah rah.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

A Weekend of Spontaneity

I'm tired of reading about the history of Christianity. So, logically, here's my weekend (in chronological order) via Google images. You can fill in the details yourself.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dream Job

There's a book display in front of me filled with volumes designated to get kids excited about going out into the working world (Ha!). Many of them are titled "Top [#] Jobs in [insert field here]". The first book to catch my eye is called "Top 175 Jobs Not Behind a Desk".

Dolphin trainer wasn't even in the top ten. Seriously? That would be the most amazing job ever! If I were any good at science I would undoubtedly be on my way to becoming a marine biologist. No questions asked. It's still my dream job; if anybody offers me a position at Sea World working with the animals...well sorry little kids, go find someone else to teach you how to talk, I'll be hanging out with Shamu.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Food Diary

On multiple occasions I've considered starting a food diary. Not to eat healthier or anything crazy like that, simply so I can feel better about myself and the amount of garbage my body can handle on a daily basis. It's impressive, really.

This all became a reality about five minutes ago when I realized that I am currently sitting on my couch with my feet up on the table, watching bad daytime TV, and drinking a soda while eating a bag of gummy worms as dessert to my lunch of an entire box of mac n' cheese.

Metabolisms are truly a gift from God.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


Joelle: We just left a little early because I was getting tired and didn't want to try too hard to stay awake while driving.

Grandmom: Well you worked so hard doing all that work. I don't ever want you to do that again.

Joelle: It's really not a problem. We do it all the time at home.

Grandmom: But those bags of salt are just too heavy for you. You shouldn't be lifting those. And you especially shouldn't be lifting two at a time; that's much to heavy for a girl!

Joelle: It's fine Grandmom.

Grandmom: I'm just saying, I have a dolly that I can get down the stairs with one bag at a time and that works much better than having you and your brother carrying them all the way downstairs.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Why I Love Babysitting

Voicemail I received this morning:
"Hi Joelle, I was wondering if you could come over and babysit for a few hours today...And let me know if there's anything I can do for you, like, pay you money, or bring you Frosties, or, umm, anything else you can think of, just let me know. Call me back."