Saturday, May 22, 2010

Mini Vacation # 1

Only a week into summer and I've already embarked upon my first mini vacation (as it should be) all the way to Minnesota. So far the highlights have included playing peek-a-boo through the headrest of the front seat of the car for an hour and half straight, watching wolverines do the dirty, and kicking some serious butt in Super Smash Brothers.

I've also come to the realization that I need unhealthy processed food to survive. I NEED it. This past week I've been at home eating "healthy" and "natural" food with no candy or soda; and consequently getting sick to my stomach after every meal. But the first time I get my chicken tenders Culver's kid's meal with a chocolate shake on the side, BAM!!!! no sickness. Clearly I've become adapted to our modern society in ways that I never thought were possible.

Another observation of modern society that came up last night was the dreaded "sex talk." My cousins and I were sharing with the rest of the family how we witnessed the mating techniques of wolverines at the zoo that morning (which, by the way, resembles an incredibly violent rape. The male was trying his best to bite the female in the neck to hold her down and make her submit but she was a fighter, and quite frankly I'm surprised there wasn't more blood). This lead our grandma to tell us the story of how when she was in high school she got kissed on the cheek and was terrified that she would become pregnant. This, in turn, lead to the discussion about how nobody knew anything about the dirty bits until they were seniors in high school or well into college. Odd. It's crazy to think about all that. She continued to lecture my two cousins (both boys) about how they better not take advantage of girls who just desperately needed to feel loved and attended to. (At this point one of my cousins found it necessary to very bluntly change the subject to how it looks like it may rain)

Later on that night after dinner we were discussing how totally awesome and rad it would be if scientists could finally harness and control nuclear fission as a main source of energy. You know, a common topic of conversation. After we had cleared the table my grandma pulled me aside and told me that she never thought she would hear a young lady know so much about science. (?!?!?!) Uhh...I'm not that great at science. But...sure Grandma. Surprisingly my aunt said the same thing a few minutes later. So now that we've fully established that I'm incredibly intelligent, I really don't see why I haven't been more heavily compensated for it.

Generation gaps are so interesting...but I have to go make a graduation poster now so I suppose I'll reflect more on that later.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Happy Summer?

Today, May 10th, 2010 was my last day of school. Yeah, yeah, not ever but for this year. (Just think of how excited little kids get when they're done....yeah....that was me this morning.) I completed my second year at Madison at approximately 2:10 p.m. It is now 6:23 p.m., and I am BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND!

I haven't spoken to anyone face to face since my exams this morning, and I'm already lonely from it. I thought about going back to the library just so I could sit with my friends and be around people. I'm naturally a people person anyway. Maybe it's my nature, maybe it's the fact that I have never had to be alone. I was an only child for the first 2 years of my life, which I remember fondly....ha. There have always been other kids around. There have always been neighbors and friends coming in and out of our door like as if they, too, lived there permanently. Then I moved from that to a dorm where, once again, neighbors and friends were coming in and out of our door like they, too, lived there. Then to the apartment I'm in now....ok so the open door policy kind of took a downfall this year but I hope to resurrect it starting next fall.

Now everybody is off in the library studying, or locked in their rooms studying, or just plain old not talkative due to some other kind of finals-related stress. And it's cloudy out. I hate being alone when it's dusky/cloudy/depressing.

However, my room is now cleaner than it's been in weeks. I finally picked up my ski lessons money, I sold some of my text books back, I sat in the Bookstore for an hour thumbing through various books, I worked out, I showered, and I called both sets of grandparents. All in 4 hours. Now I've set high standards for myself. Now I sound like I'm bragging.... Blahhhh...

Speaking of high standards, I've come up with some summer goals for myself. Nothing too extravagant, just those little things that will probably make me a better person both physically, mentally, and philosophically.
1. Finish the Fort Half Marathon
2. Stop drinking soda
3. Wear my retainer regularly
4. Skydive
5. Camping/Road Trip with a group of friends
6. Read

I can do that, right? Right.

Now I'm talking to myself. Well, on that note, I'm off to reheat myself some spaghetti.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

The past week or so I've gotten significantly better at the whole "buckling down" thing. Clearly, considering the amount of study breaks I take during said "buckling down", I haven't mastered it yet, but practice makes perfect. For example, I just studied for an hour straight. Like, real studying; reviewing studying. Crazy. Granted, I've been at the library for 2.5 hours and spent the first 1.5 on the UW Job Center attempting to figure out how I'm going to fund the advancement of my education, let alone where I'm going to live in 3 weeks time. But whatever; I spent a full hour actually studying.

I am now fully convinced that unless there is some threat to my success I have no motivation to do anything. Or, at least, do anything above and beyond what my social life time constraints allow. There's a slight chance that I won't be able to major in Com. Dis., aka there's a slight chance I may have a mental breakdown 'round about...Tuesday night. I'm not scared, not as much as I feel I should be. At least I pretend I'm not scared. Like I said, I don't even know where I'll be living in a few weeks time, so anything that dares to threaten my pathetic excuse for a "plan" isn't exactly welcome at the moment. Knowing what I'm majoring in the one thing that I've got above other people, the one thing that I've accomplished that they haven't, the one step in life that makes things that much easier.

There's no use in me claiming to know anything more than that, to pretend to schedule or adhere to anything more than that. Planning things is one of my epic failures in life. I have ideas, I always have ideas. I make my own my head. Sometimes I even get them down on paper. On occasion I'll share them with other people. Rarely to they ever become a reality. I was supposed to road trip to Colorado last summer. I was supposed to drive to Florida over Spring Break. I'm supposed to be getting on a plane to Santo Domingo in three weeks. I'm supposed to run a half marathon in six weeks.

Only one of these has a minute chance of actually happening; and it's the least fun event on the list.

I don't want a big, extravagant, detailed plan. I don't want to know what I'm doing every week of every month of every year from here on out. But it would be nice to be able to follow through on the little things every now and then. It would be nice to have things planned out in advance so as not to run around frantically at the last second every single time another issue arises.

Actually following through on that half marathon is one of the reasons I want to live at home this summer. It's a shitty reason, but it's a reason. I'll be able to train, I'll have someone to call me at 4:30 a.m. every morning and make me get up to run with them, I'll have finally completed something I made up my mind to do. It's something insignificant, it's something small, it's something that I can do next year and every year after that; but if I do it now...if I do it now I may be able to put an end to this viscous cycle of me making empty promises to myself, of me getting myself excited and enamored in my grandeur plans to live a fuller life only to keep "waiting"...waiting another year, another month, another never.

Graduate from UW Madison. Grad school at U of M. That's all I've got now. That's my grand adventurous "plan". Sure, I'd like to throw a few road trips in there, a couple weeks in Europe, some volunteering in whatever third world country catches my eye at the moment. Sure, I'd like to fully live up to the whole "college experience" of spontaneity and bildung adventures. But the whole 'one-step-at-a-time' theory seems to be taking hold here. Come on School, just let this one happen.

And yes, I know it will all be fine. It will all work out. But it's finals time so I'm allowed to complain, just a little bit.

Hey look, here's an adorable baby chinchilla!