Friday, February 19, 2010

The Pros and Cons of Being Twenty

I'm 20 now. Twenty. I'm a real adult. Twenty.

This fucking sucks.

Everyone says you're an adult when you're 18. That's a downright lie. You're still a kid when you're 18. All you get to do is legally ingest tobacco while getting off to the Miss January. Clearly becoming a legal adult is a way bigger milestone for men than women. For boys than girls. Nobody takes you seriously, your ideas don't matter, and you know nothing about the big wide world to ever successfully survive. And...well, come on, that's pretty much true.

You become a real adult when you're 20. Take the -teen suffix off of your age and suddenly you gain the immense insight and wisdom it takes to become a productive member of society. Which is also a load of donkey poo. You're still a kid when you're 20. I'm still a kid (and yes, while I'll always be a kid at heart, that phrase doesn't apply until you hit 30), no doubt about it. My roommates who were just watching youtube videos of Raffi concerts (and singing along - enthusiastically) are still kids. My next door neighbor who has an unhealthy obsession with Zac Efron is still a kid. The kid who sits in front of me in Audiology playing World of Warcraft throughout the entire lecture is still a kid. My best friends who can't suppress their giggles at a dirty joke and let out high pitched squeals when anything cute, fuzzy, or covered in glitter enters the room are still kids.

You're not a real adult when you're 20, you're a productive member of society. Scratch that, you're a working member of society; it's highly unlikely that "productivity" is high on your list of priorities.

I apologize for sounding cynical, I'm really quite exciting for all the new opportunities the addition of a decade will open up for me. Since I'm ping-pong-ing back and forth, I feel as though a Pro-Con List will better dictate my pensive meditation of my existence.

- the "adults" (professionals, businessmen, old folks, anyone who didn't [key word didn't] know you as a child) of society will begin to consider you as "one of them". Don't let this scare you - It doesn't mean that you will instantaneously sprout gray hair, develop arthritis, or need to rush out and buy a pack of Depends; only that after you've finished sharing your opinion with one such "adult", they will consider taking you seriously instead of smiling and thinking, "My, isn't that charming that that young fellow thinks the world is so small and innocent."
- "2"s are way more fun to write than "1"s, which are easily mistaken with "I" or "l"
- you enter the workforce as an educated adult. You look better than the majority of your coworkers. And you're in better shape. And it's not because you're "still just a kid".
- there is still one thing that age legally forbids you to do. Yes, this is a pro, because who wants to go through life constantly abiding by the law? I mean, apart from J-walking, what other seemingly innocent activity are you going to do to stick it to the man?
- your hourly wage will go up. Correction: your hourly wage should go up.

- my hourly wage will not go up
- you can no longer use the excuse "sorry, I wasn't thinking" without being severely judged
- you're expected to have your life in order. Ha, what a joke, that will never happen.
- the expected level of responsibility will raise. The output level of responsibility will not.
- when you say something stupid or embarrassing, the "adults" of society won't smile and ponder your innocent mind, they will stare, raise a bushy brow, and begin to tell whomever is around about how when they were our age they had a much better concept of the real world. Nonetheless, they are most likely correct.
- your parents are less likely to buy you fun and utterly nonessential things
- you feel REALLY REALLY OLD AND DECREPIT and wonder what you've wasted the past 20 years of your life doing, because all you've got to show for it is an exponentially increasing amount of student loans and the ability to say that you grew up without a cell phone.

Fare-thee-well 19, I thoroughly enjoyed you. You made my last year of being a teenager quite memorable. You even had enough sense to make my last day of being a teenager one filled with irresponsibility and frivolous choices. I skipped class. I put off homework to go shopping. I bought two new dresses and over-priced shoes. I put of sleeping to do homework. I put of homework to write this blog post. I gave up dessert foods. I ate a birthday cupcake. (because on your birthday it doesn't count). I put off homework to watch youtube videos. I ate another birthday cupcake.

I suppose now that I'm twenty and "responsible" I should do my homework....maybe....

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