Monday, December 14, 2009

Sebastian's Been Singing on My Shoulder

It's finals time. Meaning that I will probably be posting things a lot more frequently due to the increased desire to procrastinate. One final down, three to go. Except I have four full days until my next test, and I'm still painfully struggling to find a reason to jump right back on board the study train instead of giving myself a day of rest. That whole "motivation" issue from eons ago still persists, and seems to be getting stronger. In fact, I'm losing interest in this post. Some kid with weird hair just walked in, and that has captured my full attention.

40 minutes later. Clearly "Rosaura a las diez" is not as intriguing as it should be. Know what is intriguing, though? The fact that there is an official Disney Princess website. I'm being instructed by the calm and caring voice of a middle aged adult female to "Select a princess to visit her enchanting world." Oooh the suspense! I'm going to decline this offer, and instead I feel a critical review would be more compelling. And more mature; because after all, I am an adult.

Disney Princess Scientific Analysis*
8. Aurora - This damsel in distress from 'Sleeping Beauty' may have fulfilled the biological and phenotypical prerequisites of being a Princess, but when push comes to shove she was asleep for the majority of the movie.

7. Snow White - I don't know exactly why, but I've never taken a liking to Snow White. Perhaps it's her desperate need to clean thing and care for others. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for caring for others, but Snow White seems brings women back to a time where their usefulness on this earth was judged by their ability to clean a kitchen. Granted the movie was made in 1937...

6. Cinderella - Perhaps the most classic rags-to-riches story of all time, Cinderella is a true inspiration to many people. This story shows girls how to be strong through the good times and the bad, as well as the fact that honesty is the best policy. The one flaw with Disney's Cinderella, however, is that in the film she lacks a strong personality, pushing the Disney Princess back to number six.

5. Jasmine - The placement of Jasmine and Belle was an extremely difficult one for me. For the past decade there have been raging battles between who prevails as the better princess between the two. After consulting unbiased third parties and hours of meditation, I have come to this conclusion: The movie 'Aladdin' is by far a better film experience, but...

4. Belle - takes the price as the better princess. Belle emits more of a headstrong and independent personality, which, in my opinion, makes her a better role model for young girls. Her love of knowledge also contributed to her overall princess rating in that she is the only Disney Princess that actively continually seeks out new and exciting information not only in terms of literature but in terms of science. Belle also takes the cake as the most beautiful Disney Princess.

3. Pocahontas - Let's disregard the fact that the movie is incredibly inaccurate for a moment and focus on the sense of adventure that Pocahontas has brought into the lives of every little girl (and grown woman) looking to discover something new. With some of the most heart-lifting songs and lovable woodland friends of the Disney collection, Pocahontas shows us how to be truly compassionate and accepting, a lesson which in today's world is extremely important.

2. Mulan - The true essence of the tomboy had not been adequately released until Mulan stepped onto the scene. Craving for independence yet struggling to honor her parents, Mulan's rebellion sends a loud and clear message that discrimination on the basis of gender will, in the end, do society as a whole a much greater dishonor than honor. Plus Mushu is hands down the greatest side-kick of all time.

1. Ariel - 'The Little Mermaid' has been my favorite Disney movie since I was old enough to watch TV. I've been told that when I was a toddler I would beg for Mommy and Daddy to "Play Ariel! Play Ariel again!" (Because all the other Movies were named after characters, this overgeneralization seemed perfectly logical to me.) Ariel takes the top seat not because of my lifelong admiration but because she had to overcome the most difficult decision of all: what species she wanted to be. Ok, while that is a pretty darn big decision, her real issue was choosing between family and human life which encompassed not only the man she loved but the ability to walk, run, dance, and experience all other human activities. Put in that situation, I couldn't tell you what I would choose, and this is what makes 'The Little Mermaid' so great. While other Disney Princess movies are somewhat predictable and have a set outcome three minutes into the movie, 'The Little Mermaid' maintains the ability to swing either way up until the very end.

*This scientific analysis does not include the newest edition to the Disney Princesses, Princes Tiana. I have not yet seen 'The Princess and the Frog', and am therefore unable to accurately critique Tiana's princesshood.

When you think about it, the old saying "A hero's only as good as his side-kick" holds true for the Disney Princesses as well. There is a direct correlation between their aforementioned ratings and the ratings of their side kicks. So now, just for shits and giggles...

Disney Princess Sidekick Scientific Analysis
8. Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather of 'Sleeping Beauty'
7. Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, and Bashful of 'Snow White'
6. Jaq and Gus of 'Cinderella'
5. Abu of 'Aladdin'
4. Lumiere and Cogsworth of 'Beauty and the Beast'
3. Miko, Flit, and Percy of 'Pocahontas'
2. Scuttle, Sebastian, and Flounder of 'The Little Mermaid'
1. Mushu of 'Mulan'

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